Hey folks, let's take a moment to breathe deeply - we've almost made it through the infamous 2020!
As the curtain closes on the wild reality tv show meets Black Mirror episode that is the year 2020, it feels extra relevant to be sharing my end of year Lumen Letter tradition. For those of you who have been with me since 2017, you likely know that my personal recap of the year will unfold in the lines to follow. And for those of you who have joined the luminous community more recently, let me fill you in quickly. At the end of each year, I share some of the more lasting impressions of lessons learned and insights gleaned in my own life with all of you. My hope is that this tradition serves as inspiration for your own reflective process as we regroup for our next stroll around the Wheel of the Year.
Personal, universal, poetic, and served with a generous sprinkling of humor, here they are, 20 of the more meaningful moments I experienced during this particularly poignant past year.
No.1: If you spend enough time social distancing in the wilderness, you forget Covid is a thing. It's a great feeling, you should try it out sometime.
No.2: Following a biologically appropriate sunrise/sunset schedule allows one to tap into the deeper thread lines of human nature.
No.3: Social media breaks are a necessary breath of fresh air. I deleted Instagram from my phone, logged off of Facebook (which hasn't lived on my phone in years), and spent the next 38 days social media free. My amount of physical time and mental energy increased, my emotional bandwidth was restored. In general, I felt lighter, less anxious, more grateful, and deeply connected to my sense of self. It's now becoming a yearly practice, and I'm very much looking forward to beginning 2021 with a social media break.
No.4: After purchasing my first bow in February, it's safe to say I'm mildly obsessed with archery.
No.5. One cannot escape death in order to live. As someone who chooses to find her place deeply integrated within the web of life, rather than at the top of a civilized hierarchical life system, I hold respect for all of the life I consume. I've shed tears for flora and fauna; I leave offerings for plants and animals alike; there is always an energy of gratitude radiating from my hands when I take a life. I choose to be connected to the death that feeds my life.
No.6: I let the movement take me. Carving out minutes, sometimes hours, to improvise alone, or with a small group of friends, served as serious balm to this year's rollercoaster ride of human emotions.
No.7: Heterodox thinking is super valuable in this day and age.
No.8: A global pandemic lights the fire under one's ass to become a creative problem solver. Furloughed from my job, stuck at home - it's time to reinvent. I'm not sure if my Virtual Studio offerings would have manifested in 2020 had it not been for Covid. I've wanted to create more online offerings as a means to become financially self-reliant and able to break ties from being based in a city setting, but didn't have a pressing need to make that happen until this past spring.
No.9: Self-censorship sucks. But in the day of bite-sized attention spans, many minds lacking the ability to think with nuance, and cancel culture on the loose, I've found myself resorting to biting my tongue all too often. Even with this letter, I felt the push/pull of how much of myself I share with this audience. I am a multi-faceted being, as are you. I am choosing to share all aspects of myself, even if that may offend some or lead to a few unsubscribes. I wouldn't be able to approve of myself if I self-censored to gain the approval of others.
No.10: My first kill was extraordinarily spiritual in nature. This summer, at the bank of the mighty Columbia, I directly took a life with my own hands, for the purpose of nourishment, for the first time in my life - a beautiful female Shad. Some may think this is insignificant, others horrid. For me, this act was a rite of passage.
No.11: Therapy is dope. When working with the right mental health professional, you can make some serious breakthroughs. Detangling enmeshment, developing individuation, healing negative thought patterns, and constructively relating to anger. If you're in need of an amazing therapist referral, hit me up!
No.12: I'm really good at harvesting wild medicinals while hunting, not so much at harvesting wild game - 3rd season's a charm, I hope!
No.13: I'm not letting anybody fuck with my flow. Last year, I realized smashing stereotypes is kinda my jam. This year, I worked on embodying that more fully, with plenty of wavering moments where I felt like I should present a certain way or hold back from revealing something about myself so I can be more accesible and digestible for others. Well, as 2020 wraps up, I'm saying fuck that. Because if there's any year that makes you want to learn the subtle art of not giving a fuck, it's this one. So let me be a hard pill to swallow for some; they can spit me out, tell others how bad I taste, I don't really care anymore. For others, the ones who resonate with who I am and what I offer, I'll be just the right dose of medicine.
No.14: When actually confronted, a dark night of the soul can serve as the rite of passage you've been seeking all along. I had to take a leap of faith, summon up the courage within myself to be utterly vulnerable, and share the scary feelings. I'm so glad I peered into my own darkness, danced with my demons, and came out of it on the other side genuinely feeling like a different woman.
No.15: I am politically homeless.
No.16: Division is a rampant disease. It's infecting our country and making us ill. Just because someone has a different political stance than I do does not mean they are an inherently bad person, or that we can't have a genuine friendship or inspiring conversation. Finding common ground and focusing on what brings us together, rather than what tears us apart, is crucial to the wellbeing of our country. United we stand, divided we fall.
No.17: I will continue to be a paradox to those who remain disconnected from the cycle of life and death. To me, I make perfect sense.
No.18: Don't underestimate the power of conversation - sometimes, it leads to exchanges that leave a lasting impression. I had a wonderful, surprising chat with a friendly Australian cashier at Whole Foods during the beginning of the lockdown. He asked if I was picking up any new hobbies while quarantining. When I told him I was practicing archery in my basement on the daily to prepare for my first bowhunting season, he enthusiastically responded with his support for hunting, even though he doesn't eat meat as a vegan. Admiring the pursuit of fair chase and connection to one's food, he said if he did eat meat, he would want to do it through hunting. I let him know how refreshing it was to have a conversation like this, as I'm always wary of vegans hating on me as a huntress. We parted ways with him wishing me good luck and I thanking him for restoring my faith in humanity. I've told this story a handful of times over the year, and to this very day, I think back to that exchange with fondness. Cheers, mate!
No.19: Zoom fatigue is real.
No.20: I still made the right move, and, I'm ready to move onward. My days in Portland are (hopefully) numbered. In 2021, I'm ready to become a certified wild woman living deep in the woods of the PNW, but...with a really strong wifi connection. After all, I still want to connect with and support you while escaping city life.
May you find plenty of silver linings emerging from your 2020 experience, and pray for brighter skies lying ahead in 2021.
Luminous love,
Jessica
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